Lately, I’ve been really critical of myself. Due to a failed relationship over a year ago, I let myself believe that what the guy thought was “wrong” with me were things that I needed to change about myself. In reality, it was just things he didn’t like about me. I made this realization a few weeks ago, and I didn’t know what to do to change that. I thought, “how do I love myself again?” I started with this list. It’s a list of things about myself that I’ve recently been hating, but really should love because that’s the way God made me.
1. My need to be alone.
Right after the breakup, I never wanted to be alone. Mostly, because being alone made me think of him, and that was really difficult. In reality, I can only handle so much social time with people. It’s only natural. I need time for myself and to be able to reflect on the day, etc.
2. How much time I need with the people I love.
Since I like to be alone, I don’t have to feel like I have to spend all my extra time with others. I have boundaries. I needed to remember where they are. It’s okay to say no when people want to hang out. I decide how much is too much.
3. I have plenty of friends.
This was something that really ate at me for awhile. My ex had told me, “You need more friends.” And I accepted that was true. Honestly, I have so many, it’s hard to keep up with them all. I love to love people. I love the people I choose to spend time with. Because I get so busy, I have to be very selective with my time. I choose who I decide is in my inner circle and how many.
4. I love quality time.
Like I said in my last point, I have limited time. Therefore, the time I spend with someone must have value. I want to build something with them. Grow with them. Learn more about them, so I can care about them. If I want to spend more time with someone, it’s not being clingy, it’s loving them. My time is valuable. I’m not saying that it’s more valuable than anyone else’s; it’s just valuable. Who I choose to spend it with matters. It should matter to them.
5. I am loved.
The people that I have surrounded myself with have mutually chosen to be around me. When someone you love tells you suddenly that they no longer want to be with you, it tears a riff in your understanding of relationships with people. It made me question if people actually want to be my friends or if I’m forcing them to be around me. However, I did not force them to be my friends. They have decided to love me out of their free will.
I have been criticizing myself over and over again for a failed relationship. I spent much of my time blaming myself for it not working out. Just because he did not love these things about me, doesn’t mean these are things that are wrong with me. He just didn’t like them. But that’s not my problem.
Who I am is amazing. I love and care about people in a different way that most people do. I pay attention to the people that I surround myself with. I love to love on my friends. I love making them feel loved and appreciated. There are so many things about myself that make me great and I should appreciate those things about myself. There’s nothing wrong with who I am. I am great.